Saturday, February 27, 2016

Want to Be More Charismatic? 17 Verbal Habits of Highly Likable People

IMAGE: Getty Images
We all know a few people--probably just a few, actually--who win over everyone they meet. Their charisma is hard to quantify, and yet it makes others feel at ease and drawn to them.
How do they do it? One of two ways: either they're born with an instinct, or else they study what works best and incorporate those routines into their daily lives.
Chief among these habits are the verbal messages that they communicate to others. Here are some of the most important things they do--perhaps as often as every day.

1. They are polite when then can be.

Words like "please" and "thank you" might be technically unnecessary but they're invaluable if you want to be more charismatic. Want to see an example? Watch this video of an extremely polite and apologetic armed robber--especially starting around the 23-second mark--and tell me you don't feel a bit of sympathy for him (even if you still think he needs to go to jail).

2. They acknowledge small favors.

"You're welcome." These two short words communicate much more than "no problem" (or, of course, "yup") when someone thanks you for something. Likable people appreciate being thanked, and they pay it back verbally.

3. They offer meaningful praise.

The key word here is "meaningful." Charismatic people give sincere compliments--never bashful, never obsequious. When someone merits praise, they say so.

4. They express sincere empathy.

They use phrases like, "That must have made you feel proud," or "I can imagine you must feel angry," thus both exploring and validating other people's feelings. (Because here's a little secret: Everybody wants to be understood.)

5. They share useful information.

Some people like to hoard information because they think it makes them more powerful. Don't be that person. Important caveat, however: Truly likable people understand that "information" and "rumors" are not the same thing

6. They offer to help.

Many of us want to contribute to our society, but we often don't know where to begin. The most charismatic people among us start simply by looking for chances to help--in their families, in their communities, and in the small moments of their day-to-day lives. (Note to America: Hold doors for people coming in behind you!)